You will know that there are two differing versions of events emanating from Johannesburg. Cricketers' version: that Saqlain Mushtaq, Surrey's 21-year-old off-spinner, and Muhammad Akram, the fast bowler, were mugged on their way to the Delhi Palace Indian restaurant near their hotel in the suburb of Sandton.

Saqlain suffered severe bruising to his neck and Akram received a deep gash on the hand, bruised ribs and a damaged ankle.

The second version being investigated by the South African police is that Saqlain and Akram were allegedly visiting Club 69, a call-girl establishment, where - it is reliably foretold to visiting foreign businessmen - ``you will meet Aphrodite herself''. It doesn't say anything about her being armed with knife, jackboots and a truncheon.

But that is not the only reason I am entirely with the Pakistanis. Of course, they weren't visiting call girls. They had a match to play. These are professionals. It may have been the practice in former God- forsaken times for gentlemen and players to run amok with the local lovelies on tour but that was before morality, equality, decency, fidelity, integrity and, oh yes, tabloid newspapers entered the fray.

Cricket is now as pure as a David Gower cover drive, and a great deal purer than Gower himself who once admitted nonchalantly: ``We used to spend a lot of time on the Lord's balcony scanning the crowd for women.''

So the South African police have got it all wrong. There's not a solitary modern cricketer who would abandon practice in the nets for practice in the fishnets instead.

Obviously, there has been a calamitous misunderstanding here, born of jet lag, culture shock, time difference, language barriers and the fact that Saqlain and Akram initially forgot which way they were travelling at the time of the attack. First they said they were coming back from the restaurant, then they changed their story and said they had yet to reach it. They have been frustrated, likewise, by the failure of the staff at the Delhi Palace to remember them - as if they would with all those dresses going up in flames and Gazza likely to turn up at any moment - while The Management of Club 69 claim to remember them only too well.

This is plainly the sort of misinformation to which high-profile sportsmen are horribly prey and one can only hope that the reaction in Pakistan has been properly sceptical of the rumours and supportive of the lads.

It puts into stark relief the enlightened England management, who are all for the wives and girlfriends of the freshly triumphant team popping across to join their menfolk. After the disastrous experiment with celibacy during the 1995-96 tour of South Africa, the team - to put them on a par with those serving a term at Her Majesty's pleasure - are now allowed regular visits.

There is complete logic in this liberal attitude. As Lindsay Lamb, wife of former England batsman Allan Lamb, put it: ``Allan's a bloody sight less likely to get up to no good if he's with his wife than if he picks up some old tart in a bar. He's been sleeping with me for 17 years, so he's going to be a sight less active than with anyone else.''

Meanwhile, Pakistan tour manager Asad Aziz has very sensibly appealed for calm. He is totally satisfied that his players' story is true and accurate and is surely correct when he says that the rumours are sorely affecting the two players involved. ``They must now have the opportunity,'' he said, ``to devote their attention to the purpose of their visit to South Africa''. Which is, of course, cricket.