You can scarcely swing a bat without encountering a putting green or nursery hole or driving range or bunker or golf buggy. That is what all this Lanzarote, Portugal, pre-season stuff is about, isn't it? ``A week of light training, golf and night-clubbing that left us less fit when we returned than we had been when we set off,'' as Simon Hughes recorded in 1991 in A Lot of Hard Yakka, his behind-the-dressing-room-door diary of a career at Middlesex.
Seven years on, in the first days under the direction of new first XI coach John Buchanan, there is a different regime in charge. Take the first full day. Wake-up calls were requested for 5.30am. Everyone had to be in the gym by 6.00. One person was late, and only by two minutes.
``It was like a surreal dream,'' said club coach Ian Gould. ``We had a lot of bodies there but no minds. It was just the sound of weights being lifted and bells dropping on people's stomachs.''
The gym session was followed by a three-mile jog. After breakfast at 8am Mike Gatting was leaning against the bar, but only to do some calf stretches while he ticked one of six low-fat lunch options. Caladryl and sunblock lay on the top of the physio's box as sunburnt limbs were peeled from tracksuit bottoms for almost three hours of morning fielding practice. To cries of ``Terrific, this is poetry'' and ``Widen the circle, Gatt's going in the middle'' (accompanied by oinking noises), there were imaginative drills based on basic sprints between wickets, boundary-defying catches and some rapid-fire up-you-get slip catching. By the end, Gatting, 41 this year, walked stiffly towards lunch as if joined together at the knees.
Over lunch, food faddism broke out. Jason Pooley was aghast as his plain chicken sandwich arrived with, shock horror, mayonnaise. One of the younger players risked a black mark for taking Buchanan's grilled chicken salad as well as his own pasta. And then it was handfuls of fruit before filing back out to the nets where Gatting dropped balls into a bowling machine, Gould videoed bowlers and youth coach Keith Tomlins watched his three 16-year-olds integrate with the seniors.
It was hard work but fun, and everyone was out to impress Buchanan who patrolled with a clipboard, a picture of Aussie laconicism until a golf ball struck by cricket chairman Bob Gale whistled through the driving-range netting and grazed his neck.
Let us hope that was not symbolic, the old school knocking out the innovator, for Buchanan's presence could be the factor that galvanises Middlesex in their crucial second year of transition. Last year Mark Ramprakash took on the captaincy after Gatting's 14-year reign. In their second year of a £1 million three-year sponsorship deal with Hill Samuel Asset Management, Middlesex thus have a newly confident captain, a new coaching set-up following the retirement of the respected Don Bennett and a new secretary in Vincent Codrington.
Buchanan, known as a 'mind guy', flew over from Queensland in a move instigated by Paul Downton and some of the younger members of the Middlesex committee. His coaching credentials are impeccable. With an academic background in physical education and sports admin, he steered Queensland to two Sheffield Shield championships and two Mercantile Mutual Cup (one-day) victories in four years.
``He's a top man,'' said Gale, after apologising for the golf missile. ``This is a good opportunity to have a look at ourselves through someone else's eyes.''
Arriving after the Australian season two weeks ago, Buchanan has yet to meet his captain and senior players, let alone visit Lord's or acquaint himself with the English County scene, but he outlined his philosophy as follows. ``The job of the coach is to create an honest environment where the players are the ones in control. They have to understand what they need and how they're going to go about achieving it.
``What we need first is to make sure we get unity in the team, sort out the processes of how we train, how we prepare for games, how we deal with various competitions, how we run the sides, how we deal with discipline, feedback, communication, that sort of thing. We're trying to set up a system that will make Middlesex successful over a period of time.''
Each player was invited for a 20-minute private talk, planning meetings were held and there were some good old-fashioned nights out to consolidate team spirit. (Simon Shepard - or Le Phys, as he is known after his hero Matthew Le Tissier - had several sore heads to treat). Buchanan also proposed fortnightly meetings with the coaching staff, trainer and physio, ``not to review on-field performance but to pick up any vibes about an individual to provide better support''.
Where does Gatting, with his own coaching ambitions, fit into the new structure? As boyishly enthusiastic as the rest, he described pre-season training at the start of his career as ``running around a dusty gym in Green Flash for five days''. ``It evolved a bit more in the early Eighties,'' he added. ``There was talk of tours around the world but I didn't want that because only 15 players could go. The advantage of here is that we've always brought the juniors out, too.''
As for players who caught the boss's eye during a four-day game in which Jason Pooley's XI easily beat Keith Brown's: Paul Weekes batted well and was voted players' player of the week, Ben Hutton - 19-year-old grandson of Sir Len - impressed all-round, Keith Dutch made a hundred and Richard Kettlebrough batted well. Batting outshone bowling.
``For me, it's not exactly there yet but I see scope to work with, certainly the talent and will. In the end, we'll be a competitive unit but how competitive I can't say. I don't have anything to compare it with,'' said Buchanan.
And it was not all about psychology and personal fulfilment. As the coach prepared to leave for the airport, the cry went up: the occupants of one villa had yet to show. They were still sleeping off the awards night party.