Opal Fruits, toffees and extra-strong mints are consumed by teams just before they take to the field, and between overs, not just to clear the taste buds of last night's chicken jalfrezi. Bowlers have found that the saliva enhanced by sucking candy creates a highly-polishable sheen on the ball when applied to it. ``Like bowling with a toffee apple,'' said one county seamer drily. Without the stick, presumably.

The South Africans might have started this fad. Remember all the stories about them demolishing vast quantities of Jelly Tots when England toured there in 1995-96? It was argued that this was a great way of maintaining energy levels during a long, enervating day. That may have been the case, but clearly someone had worked out the opportunities they created to make the ball swing. Or were the South Africans sponsored by the Association of Dentists?

Before you throw your arms up in horror and cry foul, however, consider this. Cricket is a game of bat and ball. Administrators (usually batsmen) and bowlers indulge in the same game of cat and mouse as security companies and burglars. Batsmen guard the jewels, bowlers try to steal them. The authorities perpetually attempt to inhibit bowlers' strategies - restricting bouncers, reducing seam thicknesses, encouraging umpires to inspect the ball regularly for sharp practice, penalising counties for sub-standard pitches. The game's alleged ``miscreants'' know they must always try to stay one step ahead.

You have to admire their ingenuity. As balls and surfaces have become more batsman-friendly, so they have tried manipulating the quarter seam, drying and wetting opposite sides of the ball, scuffing it or smothering it in Ambre Solaire.

The latest trend has probably come about because ball manufacturers use a thinner covering of leather on their products, making a rich polish harder to obtain. Licking the ball is becoming more popular than rubbing it on the trousers, especially as the latter could result in a pocketful of squashed toffees. Officialdom will be helpless to stop this caramelising unless they issue umpires with tasting powers. And if you hear that a bowler is missing from a side because of toothache, you'll know why.

AUGUST is for absence. Ben Hollioake was late for nets on Wednesday at the Oval, repeating Chris Lewis's misdemeanour two years earlier at the same venue during the Pakistan Test. Lewis also failed to show on time at Worksop this week, and was promptly suspended from duty. Unpunctuality is rife at this time of year, for the simple reason that players have had enough of being stuck at cricket grounds 10 hours a day, six days a week. Either that or they're so disorientated from four months of shire-hopping and late-night nosebags, they don't respond to the alarm clock.

Sure, time-keeping is important, but players' daily schedules have become a bit ridiculous. In by 9.15 is the norm (wearing blazer and tie), looseners by 9.30, nets at 9.45, followed by fielding practice at 10.15. Tea and biscuits are taken half an hour before the start, which seems to largely defeat the object of what has gone immediately before.

Logically, it would seem more sensible to arrive at 10am in a tracksuit rather than smart attire (no one except the cleaner sees you at that time anyway), go straight out on to the field for the warm-ups, then just nip back into the dressing-room at 10.50 for the captain's powwow and a quick change.

Colin Cowdrey, for one, would approve of this routine. ``All this getting in at 9.15, and doing warm-ups for an hour before playing six hours of cricket would have been too much for me,'' he said last week. ``I'd have had to retire years earlier.''

But excuses will have to do in this day and age, the punctures, delays behind combine harvesters and I-ran-over-a-dog alibis being dredged out at regular intervals. Fining players is one option, but in this well-heeled society it is no guarantee that they won't transgress again.

Essex found a better solution. After a night out with Ian Botham, a severely hungover Derek Pringle overslept and was late for play at Colchester. ``Make him bowl all day,'' said Keith Fletcher to the captain Graham Gooch, who followed this advice to the letter. Pringle was never late again.