Spinner's Tales

When the last rites were administered a few minutes after tea last Saturday, Trevor Quirk (of SABC - that corporation of misinformation) inadvertently said it all when he came to the microphone.

``Congratulations to Allan Donald and South Africa, but let's not forget the West Indies,'' he warbled, ``without whom this victory would not have been possible ...''

Lara, the West Indian captain then came in with a slightly less ambiguous comment on South Africa's prowess.

``Tell me Brian,'' inquired the long-retired Northerns wicketkeeper who might have been better employed on this occasion as an auctioneer (selling off the Windies kit to the underprivileged) than holding a microphone, ``did you really expect to be 2-0 down after the first two Tests?''

Lara gave this some serious thought, before coming up with a serious answer. ``No'' then admitting his team's performance was ``embarrassing''.

After all, there is not much you can say after being bowled out for 141, but Lara tried his best. The boyish smile had gone, the features now bearing more a look of someone who had just trodden in something nasty, and the eyes taken on more of a glaze than a sparkle.

It is hard to draw comparisons, yet those with memories of Lawrence Rowe's rebels of 16 summers ago would agree that those tourists had more team spirit and a sense of adventure than this motley band of rabble.

Apart from being undisciplined and seemingly with no game plan they are also out of touch with the demands and needs of the game: money-grabbing renegades with Lara now being paid, it seems almost R250,000, the most expensive loser in the game.

What is alarming is that he is starting to come across as a petty tyrant, rivaling a tin pot dictator from some African banana republic. Certainly he is not fit to wear the mantle of leadership once proudly worn by Sir Frank Worrell, Clive Lloyd and Richie Richardson.

Lara talks of resurrecting Windies pride in the remaining three Tests. The problem here is that it needs a major turn around to win back the respect of those South Africans ``of colour'' who have supported the tourists. Although the way they reacted in Port Elizabeth, the locals gave Hansie Cronje's side a roaring welcome and the band played well on into the dusk hours after Donald claimed his umpteenth five wicket haul.

Then again, on the local front, Dr Ali Bacher, usually the diplomat and polite and cordial, made a valid point on Darren Scott's M-Net Sportstalk programme the other night.

One of the ``guests'' was that Lulu of a ``knowledgeable'' sports trivial persuit queen Lulu Xingwana who brandishes her ``expert opinion'' with the sort of rhetoric she though would put the Doc in his place. Threats of ``we will legislate'' (since contradicted by Steve Tshwete) and that players such as Lulama Masikazana and teenager Victor Mpitsang should now be in the South African Test side were part of her tirade.

Not one to be deterred Dr Bacher then suggested that the ANC should, in this case, take over the running of the UCB and the he would step aside. It was the biggest put-down that madame has had for a while.

Politicians who talk of Neil Harvey when surely they mean Neil Tovey, as a former South African soccer captain, should get out of the kitchen before their thinking becomes too muddled. Unfortunately we have a few of those in this neck of the country.