Hunting wild game now seen as preparation for international play
Roy Colbert - 14 February 2001

(Two cricket fanatics with their view on the game from a Dunedin sofa).

"Mate, I have only two words to say to you this week - Brendon McCullum."

"What a player! Captains the New Zealand Under-19s to a phenomenal test series win over South Africa's finest, and scores 455 runs at an average of 151.6, getting them at a run a ball. It seems needless to point out at this time that he is an Otago boy."

"That man deserves a DB. Brendon is of course the son of the great Nappies McCullum, whose blinding 75 all but led Otago to victory over Ian Chappell's Australians in 1977. Lillee was in full flight that day, and purists are in no doubt that this remains the finest innings ever played on Carisbrook."

"I'm surprised McCullum hasn't been whisked into the CLEAR Black Caps. Call me old-fashioned mate, but if my calculations are correct, a man who averages 151.6 in Test cricket would be of considerable use to us."

"No hurry, mate. McCullum has a lot of talent, but he's only one of many down this way who have the complete package. Let's face it, you can walk around Logan Park on a Saturday afternoon's club cricket here and you'll see thirty guys who can bat better than any of the Black Caps."

"Did you see that story in the Sunday Star-Times last week about Andrew Symonds hunting wild boar with a knife?"

"I did, yes, though I did feel the paper's conclusion from that was somewhat convoluted."

"Convoluted?"

"Convoluted. Big word."

"Very big word."

"I mean, saying the danger and bravery associated with such an activity is the cause of the mongrel, sledging and unrelenting foul language that all other cricketing nations envy in the current Australian team is a little difficult for an intelligent man like myself to fathom."

"Me too, especially with Heath Streak having said the Black Caps are even worse sledgers than the Aussies. But it has got me thinking, and that story from Australia about McMillan swimming naked up the Murray River hunting crocodiles with a garlic crusher suddenly makes a whole lot more sense."

"It does, McMillan, master of the white man's haka."

"Master of the white man's haka, as you say. Macca certainly bowls well to those tail-enders."

"He does. I think when the dust has settled from this series, the one enduring positive that will come out of it for New Zealand will be McMillan's development as a bowler to talentless tail-enders."

"Mate, I must confess I went out to Carisbrook on Waitangi Day, just to see if the game is any better live than it is on the telly."

"I wondered where the sofa had gone. So you saw Auckland being crushed by Otago? What did you think of Adams?"

"I like Adams. I like him a lot. I actually went out to watch Nash bat but as he was walking out I reached into the bag for a Speights and when I looked up he was gone."

"Adjudged caught behind."

"Yes, adjudged. Adjudged, of course, is newspaper gobbledygook for saying the umpire is blind."

"Precisely. A pity Nasher can't front up for Pakistan though, we need him desperately. These Pakistanis can play."

"I hear he is hunting wild Bengal tiger in the Punjab with a toothpick."

"He is, yes. It's great to hear he's keeping mentally sharp."

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