As an Australian, I feel compelled to respond to the article on Australian Beer submitted by Brian Burbage. Brian does actually give a fairly good account of the different names used in different states for the various sizes, etc of draught beer, but I feel a few corrections are required along with a few general comments

Even by the third test they hadn't worked out that Light (or Lite) beer in Australia is a low alcohol beer

Oh dear. I know 'lite' beer is somewhat of a rarity in the UK but you don't have to be Einstein to work out what it means. But yes, the powers that be have turned into wowsers in recent years - only light or mid-strength beer available at sporting events; ridiculous fines and bans for streakers, etc. [PS A couple of tours ago, I was at a 1-day game at the SCG (Aust vs Eng) and there were about a dozen streakers, many of which were Barmy Army members, I suspect. Superb entertainment including one guy - wearing nothing but a Union Jack as a cape - coming in to 'bowl' with an imaginary ball and then 'appealing' to the umpire, before eventually being escorted off the ground. If the champion who did that is reading this - great effort, well done!]

XXXX used to be brewed in Victoria but rising literacy levels meant that people started looking for BEER instead, so it is now brewed in Queensland. Fosters on tap in the UK is nothing like Fosters made in Australia.

Ummm, XXXX has never ever been brewed in Victoria. Don't know who told you that - it has been brewed in Queensland for about 150 years. Nice attempt at a gag but Victorians' beer of choice is VB. This actually stands for 'Very Bad'; it is a rough beer and should be avoided at all costs - and it is vastly inferior to the fine product brewed in Queensland.

Make no mistake, no one - and I mean no one - drinks Fosters in Australia (certainly not since about 1979). It is a myth. It is crap beer which is why we export it (most things we export are crap - e.g. Fosters Lager, Danii Minogue and Neighbours).

Most Australian beer is made by just two companies - Carlton and United (CUB) and Lion Nathan

This is true but it is more a case of there are many breweries which have been bought up by these companies.

There are a few breweries that make real ales. Coopers is the largest of these I take it that Brian must be 50 and wears a cardigan as, having spent a year and a half in the UK (along with having a number of English friends here in Oz), every English guy under retirement age that I've met drinks lager. (For some reason for which I'm yet to understand, there are virtually no English lagers, with the possible exception of a few cans at Tesco's .... Even the Scots are capable of a couple of decent ones, but I digress). And Australian produces a number of great lagers - try James Boags, Crown and Hahn Premium.

Of course our whiting is different from North Sea whiting and our mackerel is different from Atlantic mackerel, and other fish change their name from state to state Yes, and possibly a good thing. Plaice and Cod have to be the most boring and tasteless fish known to man. In Australia, go for Barramundi (the king of fish) or Dory fillets. I must admit, the beef in the UK was surprisingly good (mad cow aside) but do try the lamb in Australia (surprisingly poor in the UK).

In Brisbane, check out the pubs in Fortitude Valley, in Adelaide take the tram to Glenelg, in Perth go to Northbridge, in Melbourne you just have too many choices, in Sydney you will find the prices quite a bit steeper than elsewhere, but Chinatown is good value. King's Cross has some cheap eateries and some very expensive ones, the former patronised by the prostitutes and the latter by their customers.

Hmmm, I live near Kings Cross - yes, there is a wide choice of good restaurants but I haven't seen too many hookers dining out in them as a rule ...

Oxford Street is similar but the pros and customers are gay. Well, Brian - I'm sure you were safe! I'm sure that the same proportion of the British population is gay but they are just much more obvious in Sydney. But what is worse than the customers being gay is that the staff/waiters often are in this part of town (which equals having an attitude). (For the record, I am straight and married - to a Pom!). Other places worth checking out for dining out are Manly (lots of excellent restaurants), Cockle Bay Wharf in Darlin Harbour and King St in Newtown.

Australian Beer is served very very cold. No kidding. That's because Australia is very hot ...

Anyway, I'll finish by saying that I admire the spirit of the Barmy Army - it is easy to support your team if they are doing well but they are true supporters. Nevertheless, it may be a long hot summer for both the English players and supporters ... (as I type, the Australian 'B' team has racked up 350+ for 3 declared in less than a day and your lot are 25/1 ...)

© Barmy Army